Why expectations are good

Life should be fair It is not. Not at all. Bad things happen to good people all the time for no reason. Instead focus on earning the trust and respect of people you like. People should agree with me Yours may not be the only right answer and being right is not always right. We tend to take others words and behaviour personally when often, it is about them not us. People understand what I am saying Assumptions, like expectations, can be Happiness Killers. Genuinely listening to someone else with empathy creates understanding whilst projecting our own mental filters and world views onto others generates misunderstanding and hurt feelings.

You are already enough and are intrinsically worthy irrespective of achievement. Things will make me happy We are poor at predicting what will make us happy in the future. What makes you the happiest? This question from Buddha is difficult to answer. Winning Lotto? The rest will come once the commitment is there. You are so right!! I just had a light bulb moment. I now understand why I have the issues I do with my significant other. Thank you for posting , I needed this clarity.

Exactly my response. I feel I have a right to my own emotions, I cannot and should not be self effacing forever. I still think that expectations in a relationship puts a burden on the other person. What we, as individuals, require in terms of affection, dividing up chores, etc. Yes, conversation and expressing what our needs are is great — keep the lines of communication open. But the expectation that another will fill our needs will lead to frustration.

Which is fine. I believe that we need to meet our own needs first and foremost. What a great read. Rise up or get out of the way for someone who is willing to do the work.

I was always a strong believer in expectations, having a business background. My relationship with friends, family, and lover never understood me until I was able to figure out the relationship terminology. Which is love languages and how expectations create a strong foundation.

This article helped me to better articulate that information to them. I think as far as expectations your partner should agree with you on those naturally because of the type of person they are.

If you expectations are not compatible with their lifestyle its time to move on. Save my name, email, and website in this browser for the next time I comment. Take Assessment Be A Facilitator.

Facilitators The Assessment Couples. Me neither. Carol Vandale says:. Create a personalised content profile. Measure ad performance.

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Measure content performance. Develop and improve products. List of Partners vendors. Despite what your common sense may tell you, research shows that people are surprisingly inept at predicting how we will feel in various situations. For example, one study found that newlywed couples tended to estimate that their happiness levels would rise or at least stay the same over the four-year-period after marriage.

Other studies have found that lottery winners' happiness levels tend to reduce to pre-winning days or sometimes even below. It seems that our expectations can confuse us into thinking that our goals will bring us much more than they actually do, so we often pursue the wrong goals. A problem with expectations was made famous by the Charles Dickens novel, "Great Expectations. He views this fortune as a stepping stone to marrying the girl of his dreams.

When he ultimately learned that the money was not necessarily part of that larger plan, he realized that he had taken for granted so many important relationships and gifts in his life. His expectations had robbed him of fully appreciating his reality. Research backs up this idea that we may not fully appreciate what we have when we are expecting more or comparing what we have to what we could have. One study found that participants who were exposed to a subliminal reminder of wealth spent less time savoring a chocolate bar and exhibited less enjoyment of the experience that other subjects who weren't reminded of wealth.

This is an interesting study that can remind us all to try to savor our chocolate and lives more, and perhaps to try not to remind ourselves of what we don't have.

This study can also remind us, however, of how easy it is to let our thoughts color our enjoyment of what we actually have. How many times have we focused so much on something we wanted that we didn't truly savor what we had? How often might our expectations for great things make us feel like what we have isn't really that great when there are many people who have less? Finally, our expectations can get the better of us when we expect more than what is realistic in a given situation.

We might expect our partners to live up to what we see in romance films, our jobs to be idealized versions we had as children, or even our lives to match up to what we see on Instagram. Our expectations can create significant stress when they don't match up to reality. Also consider how social media can greatly contribute to this: we compare our own worst moments those not deemed to be shareable online to others' best moments, which very often are filtered to seem perfect.

We may not even realize this mismatched comparison. Our expectations for our lives may be unrealistic and skewed based on what we think others have.