Should i disappear on him

Make REAL space by doing your own thing, hanging with friends and giving thought to the type of relationship you would like to have, whether it's with him, or not. Your hobbies, goals, career, friends and family all hold a very important place in your life, so enjoy them!

Create activities, hang out with friends and focus on absolutely crushing an upcoming project at work. Your man will be more than happy to grab some dates when you are free, mesh both your worlds and eventually become a more important part of your calendar. Being busy only works if you are actually busy. If you want a successful relationship with your special guy, you must have a life of your own. I always say the best relationships come from two truly independent people who decide to take on life together.

How incredibly boring is it to watch one side of a relationship completely morph into the other person? Then we can decide if Mr. Right makes our fabulous solo life better, in which case a commitment can be welcomed and much more fun.

Does this guy actually fit your idea of an emotionally mature man? Does this man have the ability to form a long term, healthy and stable relationship? Is he really worth your time? You may choose to give him the benefit of the doubt. You may decide that you can do better , but still want some sort of closure.

Or you may choose to ignore him all together. Keeping in mind that a reply that you might think is cute and cheeky, is usually perceived as more passive aggressive.

And almost never comes across the way you intend. I know many women who are afraid to ask the big questions or to say how they are really feeling to a man. Healthy relationships are built on a foundation of honesty, trust, communication, authenticity and integrity. In my experience the situations that come up in dating are the perfect way to practice healthy relationship skills. Which in this case is setting boundaries and communication standards.

Yes, these conversations might challenge you or feel difficult. However, healthy communication is a skill that gets easier with practice.

Think of it this way, if you communicate with total integrity and that guy disappears again. The truth is he was never going to stay in the first place.

So really you have nothing to lose. Wanting closure or feeling like you deserve some sort of explanation as to why he vanished is perfectly natural. If this is the case for you, a phone call is best but you can also feel free to communicate over text. It will only serve to confuse you and things might unexpectedly take a turn for the worst. If you think this might happen jump on the phone with him. Be Warned that the closure option is never as fulfilling as one wants.

By Averi Clements. By Amanda Chatel. By Kate Ferguson. By Lyndsie Robinson. By Sarah Burke. Search Search for:. About Contact Privacy Policy. Facebook Instagram Pinterest. What's the deal? By Jessica Blake. Share this article now! Have something to add? Jump to the comments. Then one weekend he went away and the whole time he was calling and texting just to chat, nothing specific but it was nice to know he had me in mind.

The next day I texted him and just asked how the weekend was and never heard from him again… I have no idea what happened! Matt wow you must be a huge catch… Omg how could woman not want you….

And yeah I am being a smart ass. You brag about ghosting a woman and justify it. Man I hope it happens to you. Take a look at your life and try to better yourself. How about you have some goddamn feelings. You are an empty shell of a man. Enjoy the dating scene. Narcissistic, coward, not yet a man. You approach life from what ought to be according to your perspectives, not what it IS. Call me a coward. Men will continue to be themselves. The fairytales that daddy read to you before tucking you in at night were fantasies.

And therein lies the problem … fairytale stories written by men and read to us by Daddy. How could most women not be influenced? Im guessing not — and no, dear, once you have started dating her, no matter how unpleasant it may be — you are responsible to give a few minutes of your precious time to this human being so she is not left in the dark, particularly during what sounds to be a difficult, aimless phase of her life.

Remember, her not having quality or quantity does not mean she doesnt have a heart unless shes a sociopath. Broken hearted… I met a man on a dating site we hit it off right away.

He told me he was legally separated. But decided to go ahead as I had a good feeling about him and he made me laugh. After a while I met him and he seemed just as nice as he did online. We started to have sex and it was great for us both again we were a good match. He worked out of town a lot up north on oil rigs. We would text a lot.

Yet he would answer me later in the day or evening. It got to be that I was initiating all the text. And when I would call he never called back or mentioned that I called.

We were seeing each other for a year and the last time we chatted he told me he missed me and sweet dreams. And now he has just disappeared in thin air.

I tried contacting him but no response. He last talked to me on March 9th. I am heart broken. And need to know why………. So sorry this happened to you.. Married 2. Married living separately 3. Recently divorced 4. Recently broken up 5. Actively cheating yes, girlfriends count.

Well we saw each other and wow! He is even more beuatiful then I rememberd and we really clicked again and he laughed at my jokes and gave me twice like this really nice hug. But after it he did not texts or anything-I heard he told my friend he wanted to see if I care and texts first- so I did , just saying it was nice seeing him and blah blah and we talked for n month again over texts but he was not as flirty as always and my heart was obviously broken because I knew then he did not like me ones he saw me , then we stopped talking and he has not made a sound for a month now and I just can not get over him although everyone says just move on … because it is kind of a long distance because I know for a fact if he seas me again and give me one more chance that he would really like me.

I know if he missed me hed texts first but I miss him so and want to to texts him firts all the time asking him why he just disapeared or just saying I miss you. Like I do not know what he thinks so I do not know what to do!!!!

Listen to your friends and move on. Also, read my comments above…. Why did he string you along? Do you know what a stock option is? He wanted to maintain one on you. And by this, I mean a sexual option. For whatever reason, he let you expire. His charm was his method of maintain this said option, call it the premium. I met him last July online. We were friends first before he flirted with me and courted me and finally got me to be his girlfriend Sept He lives on the other side of the world.

We were happy the next months. Talking daily, getting each other through tough times. I opened up to him deeply. He told me about his problems and his family and he would always reassure me when I get insecure. He was perfect. He had flaws but I love him for those imperfections. He encouraged me to do well and be better. He got me to see myself more positively. Despite the distance, we were fine. We made it work. Around November-December he got busy.

Working two jobs handling Christmas sales. I was understanding. Trying not to be too needy, I supported him and waited. He was gone first for a week. We talked daily before that. A week or so later he was gone for like 16 or so days but we got to talk after Christmas and my new year.

Then silence for months. I was pretty insecure and he knew that but he was he one having nightmares at night that id leave him. Nothing seemed out of place. Before he had to leave for work my new years eve, he showed me my Christmas gift and told me visiting him to pick up the gift would be his Christmas gift. So did you ever meet this guy? In all honesty, online relationships are a huge joke. Why date a phone or a computer? Maybe once VR really takes off we all can date the studs and models of our dreams.

VR will be the death of material relationships… Anyway, back to your situation… Yeah, umm… What did you expect from an internet ghost? Too much! You seem honest and impressionable. Unfortunately, these qualities are handicaps that blind you to reality. Frankly, I would have been suspicious that he was a scam artist.

Love and attention from a land far, far away is a typical scam artist angle. Did he attempt to ask favors? Did he ask for gifts? I tried calling him and texting no respond,another day go by still no answer…and on a Saturday, I called his sister, his sister told that she caught my boyfriend with another girl,so that tore me apart, I was work crying trying to composed myself without people seeing my tears.. What makes it worse is I actually liked him!!!! I have gone on three dates with this guy.

Throughout the three dates he would give me all the validation a girl could want that he liked me. Not only with what he said, but his actions.. He would even insinuate things to come in our relationship. What did you end up doing? Did he ever end up talking to you again?

Im 20, and in college, so i am probably dealing with a typical douche on my end. I hope you see this. Thanks Maria. The first time he did this was after we got intimate. I do not take being intimate lightly and I was devastated and very hurt. He made up excuses that he was busy with kids and work. I tried to date other guys but after each date I came home even more sad because the fader was a great date, great conversationalist and funny.

So after several months I texted him and we agreed to see each and catch up. At this point it was a friendship. Well here we are.. A week into the slow fade. He was very hurt by his ex wife and I think he has commitment issues.

Heart broken. I wonder why he stops texting me or maybe I should start to write first. It sucks to be left out hanging. So I guess I have to move on and get over it. I wanna give a guys perspective here but only my own or a certain type of male perspective from the time I was guilty of doing this. Anyway I hope this helps some of girls out there feeling confused by why a guy has suddenly disappeared — Here goes, even up to a few years back I had terrible self esteem, I mean completely dire.

It wasnt about anything in particular- just how I viewed myself as an all round package anyway. It was an attention seeking ploy in hindsight to see how interested she really was or if she was really interested.

So I would keep doing these little attention seeking ploys and basically I would intentionally self sabotage myself and thus push her away. Anyway, I hope that gives one possible perspective of why it might be happening to you depending on the guy of course and thus his possible reasons.

I literally stumbled across this post looking something else up lol. Hi Ryan, Thank you for your perspective. So did you find any girl interested enough to chase you? Thanks Karina. However, I wonder how the relationship is going to be if both guys and girls play game on each other. I get the attention seeker in you Ryan, We all justify our behaviour to an extent. We connected in early December. Things moved forward at reasonable pace over the holidays and accelerated when i stopped seeing another guy I was dating.

This guy welcomed me into his home and made me feel like part of his family, he made plans for us to do things together and treated me with respect, I felt like his friend. Hi Ryan, Thank you for your comment. Maybe I am wrong but I had a feeling that they the guy I met behave in a similar why that you did.

Looking backwards or maybe on your current experiences — what would you say would be the best for a girl who cares about a guy like you to do? I am pulling away now since I was pushed away.

Was there any girl or behaviour that you reacted differently? I was overwhelmed with feelings of being taken for granted and she was changing the terms of our serious relationship into texting buddies, not what I wanted to settle for. Hope this helps you.

Hi Ryan, Thanks in advance for your help. So if the guy thinks and behaves like you, what do you think the girl who cares about him should do to change his mind? I have decided to pull away now since I was ignored. Was there any girl or behavour that you reacted differently to?

Thanks Geraldine N. We had been dating for 4 months and everything was good. First I want to say that I am not a person who dates. But I met this guy at work, he was not even my type and I was not at all interested in him. He would flirt and had a good personality and one day I suddenly looked at him differently. We started seeing each other. I asked him one day why he never kissed me and he got really nervous by this question and told me he was scared and nervous and said kissing was ro intimate.

We only saw each other for about 2 months and it is when I asked him this question that things changed. No more calls but he would text but the texts were not as often, maybe once a week instead of everyday. I could feel the distance that he was creating, and when I called him on it he said things were going to fast and wanted to slow things way down.

He dated a girl 30 years younger than him who hurt him real bad. I wonder if this has something to do with him being nervous and not wanting to kiss me. It seems to me that he would want to give me some type of answer to not make it so awkward when we see each other. Ok so Guys dissapearing on me has happened to me twice in less than 6 months.

Then I met this other guy at class in Last year we finally went on our first date and he vanished for a couple of days, then finally texted. Almost two months later we went on our second date and since then has not contacted me again. I met this guy online a few months ago. We texted a little at the start. He went away on holidays and when he came back I texted him. He replied a few days later and then we started texting each other on and off every couple of days. Every time I suggested to meet up he had an excuse.

One time we set a date but he canceled at last minute. I pulled away. Then a couple of weeks later he texted me out of the blue. Said he was staying with a friend in a town near me and again I suggested a catch up. Thought he was just wasting my time. Two months later on Christmas Eve he contacts me via text and every other day we texted back and forth. Last week he suggested at last minute to meet that evening. As soon as I met him I was smittened.

We seemed to have connected and laughed a lot. We were having drinks and I was aware that he had 3 before we even met. He remembered everything that we spoke about via text and one phone call. We moved onto another place to drink. He was a little more quieter but not by much. When I was heading back to the car park with him, the parking station was closed. We both laughed and said it was a good thing anyway because we had both had alcohol.

Then I remembered I left my house keys in the car. I had no other way to get into my house. There was a hotel opposite the parking station and he suggested we spend the night together.

I agreed. He then kissed me so passionately that I was glad he was holding me up. When we were together in the room there was plenty of kissing. He said his tummy was upset and probably was due to the combination of drinks but later I noticed that he had a failure to perform. No movement. I assumed it was just the alcohol. I kept kissing him. I said it was ok. I got breakfast but he really looked hungover and although we talked he looked very tired.

As he walked me to the parking station he kissed me passionately again. Asked me to text him when I got home and that he would talk to me later that night. I texted when I got home and told him I really enjoyed the night. He replied an hour later that it definitely was a good night. Sunday night I felt that maybe he was embarrassed by not having sex so I sent another text. Not read and ignored.

I was miserable and baffled. No return phone call was made. But disappearing without an explanation when you click with someone is really hard. He sent mixed signals. I try not to take it personally but did I reject him in some way? Should I have initiated sex? Was he not interested and I misread? Why kiss me passionately goodbye. On the cheek and saying I had a good night says enough. Hurts more when they tell you they will call you and pretend everything was great.

I felt that he might have been in a relationship when we met but no confirmation of it. So sorry this happened to you — similar thing happened to me. Was messaging a guy on happn. We clicked, there was loads of banter. After 4 days straight of messaging about how our days were going, it got flirtier so that by days 5 and 6 there was straight out sexting — at my initiation, not his.

Day 7 and I take a step back and think, this is not right. We are already on to the phone sex and I dont want a casual fling. I want an LTR. I need to get this guy to ask me out now and see if there is anything between us otherwise this needs to stop. Im not going to be his emotional crutch. Im not going to be the person he can message at 7pm when work is done just so he has something to do.

And Im not going to be his buddy at bedtime either. So… learn from this how to spot someone who may ghost: 1. No urgency to meet 2. Happy to banter with no real emotional connection 3. Bringing up the issue of his ex cheating very briefly but when little else emotional connection has been established its a little odd. And so we met on Day 8. I pretty much pushed to meet although the agreement to go for a drink was mutual.

We had a lot of fun. There was definite chemistry much to my surprise my guard was up. I am a vivacious, outgoing girl. He was perfectly chatty, maybe a little staid? He did disclose during the evening that he thought I was beautiful but that he had never thought of himself as particularly handsome… again.. Another sign… Unfortunately I made the schoolgirl error of drinking on an empty stomach and got very drunk.

I had every intention of going home but somehow I ended up sleeping at his place, in his bed. I do remember telling him that I was not going to have sex with him and I am sure he at no point forced the issue in spite of our hot sex chat online. Underwear was kept on.

No sex. I did get up to vomit in the bathroom and he held my hair back! By morning there was a vague fumble which ended up with my hand down his pants. And then the alarm goes off. He gets ready for work. I get dressed. As we walked to the train station I made a joke im very sarcastic about knowing how to make my way home if I had sneaked out early as he lives by a landmark. I sent him a message that evening to say I hoped he had not had too bad a day considering the lack of sleep and inevitable hangover, that I was sorry I had got so drunk but that I thought he was lovely and Im glad we met up.

No response. Just grey ticks on whatsapp. I had the signs beforehand that maybe he has little emotional intelligence. But I cannot waste time worrying. My rational head knows this. But my heart hurts; someone I had such rapport with clearly didnt like me enough or fight his fear or whatever to follow up. But I, and in fact, you, did nothing wrong. All we can do is busy our time and carry on. Take the signs and guard our hearts a little better next time. I would talk to them and everything was fine, and then they just stopped answering.